Part I
When Chimaamanda made remarks about trans women in 2016 I had just read her novel Americana. I was fresh off my women’s studies college courses, watching bell hooks lectures in my free time and had the website forharriet pinned in my work browser to stay up to date on news about black women. It was the avenue through which I learned of black women’s mortality in childbirth rates and I disseminated the information to all who would listen. This was mostly my twitter followers and the man I was dating. On that account I made candid disclosure of my proclivities towards queerness in the sense of sexuality and other areas like relationship style. In social spaces I grew used to being called “anti” for having opinions that did not align with the status quo.
Around that time I had also rediscovered my friend from elementary school, Hope Giselle, on social media. She had attended an hbcu and came out as a trans woman not long before or after graduating. I reminisced on our time together as kids and how that was to some extent her having experienced girlhood. She returned my wallet from the bully who stole it, she pranced, twirled and did back flips at the talent show to Destiny’s Child independent women. We were in third grade. We did a little terrorizing of charles drew middle too, as any mischievous children might do. With that experience I eagerly validated trans women’s womanhood and have made trans friends of varying gender expression along the way. The intersections of race, gender, sexuality and the politics of being a black woman are topics I don’t shy away from and I aim to approach this topic with care and nuance.
I’ve been observing and engaging in conversations that challenge trans women and gay men’s misogyny. As the conversations evolve the host of this live topic often uses rage bait to entice the people who come onto the panel with opposition into vitriolic misogynistic tirades against cis women. And many of those people believe by the end point in the conversation that they are victims of cis women’s transphobia and homophobia. All while not noticing the irony of their allegiance to maleness and disdain for female reproductive body parts and capabilities. The host is crass and sometimes blatantly degrading gay men and trans women but from what I see that only comes after instances of misogyny. In the time that I have learned about the expansiveness of gender and sexuality I never thought to question the premise itself in comparison to womanhood specifically. Thinking critically is a value of mine so my aim is to understand whether cis women having a critical lens on misogyny is transphobic. And further, are cis women causing harm to trans women? In any capacity.
For the purpose of clarity I want to explain here the framework of my understanding of gender and sexuality. I understand there is a faction of women who are offended by being called cis and I’ve also seen trans women weaponize the term as a way to project the experience of being “othered” onto people whose gender and sexual identity align with what is deemed acceptable in a patriarchal system. Male and female refer to reproductive capabilities and I believe chromosomal and hormonal differences impact how the sexes experience life. Woman and man refer to the social structures and roles placed on the aforementioned sexes in a polarizing way, leaving not much room for nuance. Beyond sex and gender roles are sexual identities, which often further dictate what a person’s behavior in society “should” be and whether it’s acceptable or not. Because we live in a patriarchal society there is an emphasis on male genitalia as important to the identity of manhood and as a result I think it could be argued that all males benefit from the privilege of that identity, regardless of chosen gender expression. Historically there is evidence that there are genders beyond the binary that is centered in a patriarchal system. We see examples in ancient west african cultures, with even modern tellings of an “other” gender experiences like Akwaeke Emezi’s story The Death of Vivek Oji. There are also Asian pacific islander cultures of people such as Fa’afafine, Mahu, and Fakaleti who dress like women and take on the role of caregivers and serve as community liaisons. For me there is no denying that people of varying genders outside a binary have always existed but I think there is also room for cis women to have questions.
Part II
In these discussions the host Dricka usually has a prompt that all guests have to answer before engaging in dialogue. Topics usually stem from the broader conversations that trans women and gay men have amongst each other like discussions of DL men, performing femininity or masculinity and their sexual preferences. These are conversations the host mentions only recently becoming privy to. Many facets of the conversation belittle cis women’s identities, in fact many trans women and gay men reduce cis women to the term female. Using “females” to describe cis women and girls strips the adjective that describes that we are human. Women are adult human females, not “females”, the former describes our humanity. Meanwhile, men are consistently granted their humanity in these conversatioins. This incongruent language is usually unnoticed by trans women and gay men and they get defensive about being corrected. Much like misogynistic cishetero men who subjugate women through sexual, reproductive and domestic violence. Trans women and gay men on the panel are offended that cis women are having a discussion about them at all. One common theme is that all of the males defend each other from trans women, to straight, bi and gay men.
A question that has come up for trans women, specifically, is “what makes them a woman?”. They cite that taking hormones makes them more emotional, feeding into tropes of cis women’s emotional instability. Once the host asserts pushback on their opinions they devolve into degrading cis women by saying they look better, can take the men cis women date or that cis women trap men with babies. Regurgitating misogynistic talking points fed to them by the purported straight men they have sex with in the shadows. Trans women and gay men tend to be fervent about their own pronouns and gender identities being respected but don’t respect women wanting to be called women without the cis label. It’s a way for them to jab at cishetero normative people but it ignores the fact that cishet women are a marginalized group already experiencing immense harm from cishet men. Trans women and gay men cite the harm committed primarily by men they desire but project the fault onto to cis women who don’t accept them while being blind to their own misogyny.
The cis women in the conversation seem most frustrated with being silenced for having questions. From what I understand these women have been taking what they hear in gay men and trans women’s spaces and bringing the information back to cis women. The host, Dricka, talks about the ways in which queer males disparage women and bastardize the language used to describe women and girls. Dricka says this is being done to purposely confuse cis women and obfuscate the behaviors of males because secretly what they really want is to fuck each other and continue to reap the benefits of cis women’s reproductive capabilities, domestic and emotional labor. Cis women are referred to by queer males as fish, bleeders, breeders, and the reason why DL men exist. Cis women are often having to come to the defense of masculine presenting women and trans men when queer males want to use those identities to gaslight women about the sexual behaviors of all men. The host often turns to pleading with her audience urging them to ask questions like: why would trans women want cis women to be referred to as females while they get to drop the trans from trans women? Why do queer males as a whole get disgusted by vaginas and birthing but want to refer to their assholes as bussy? Why do queer males talk about most men being gay but then get upset when cis women agree and call cishet men ponks just as queer males do? Male socialization seems to be an elephant in the room. No queer male wants to admit they are socialized as boys that will grow into men until they feel insulted. Once the insult is felt some defend their maleness by alluding to having a big piece of genitalia with which to poke other men. Yes, even trans women do this.
Part III
Sex, gender, and sexuality are all nuanced concepts that are less like a binary and more of a spectrum. When we talk about gender and sex as it relates to misogyny I think there should be room made for trans women and gay men to consider their proximity to male privilege and deconstruct their misogyny and loyalty to men and maleness. Cis women can stand to work on internalized misogyny as well but I think that it is perfectly ok for these different groups to be curious about each other’s politics and position in a patriarchal power structure. In ‘Research on masculinity, femininity: their psychological dimensions, correlates, and antecedents’, the authors found that people with more balanced masculine and feminine traits tend to be more emotionally regulated and well rounded people, which is to say that the gender roles we perform are less important than being a well rounded human being that contributes positively to society. Trans women and gay men will femme-ify their genitals, literally and linguistically, but call cis women, everything other than the term for an adult human female when they’re offended. Trans women and gay men understand the power identity holds and the importance of giving someone a title that is viewed with respect.
In summary, Dricka seems aware of what reaction is being elicited from having these conversations. She seems equally passionate about informing cis women on the topics regarding all males and the types of behaviors they engage in like cruising, not using protection during anal, DL men and the obfuscating of their sexual identities. Dricka uses these conversations to intentionally weaponize misogyny, homophobia and to degrade males. Giving all males a taste of what women face everyday at their hands. Many queer males don’t believe they harm women while also believing that cis women are harming trans women and gay men. These groups have the opportunity to stand together against the conglomerate of patriarchy. Women don’t yet have the tools to know which men are the harmful ones and trans women and gay men have some of the information. Dricka expresses worry about a reality where cishet men lie, deceive and have sex secretly and unbeknownst to women while males of all sexual and gender identities cover for each other to women’s faces to uphold a reality where women are gaslit about what is happening behind the veil.
xo,
ché
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